By attempting to “fix” someone’s problems we take away their power. By suggesting they need more information and giving them too much too fast we can overwhelm and embarrass them; this also takes away their personal power. Holding space means holding a deep knowing that we all arrive whole and remain whole throughout the journey regardless of whether our thoughts try to belittle us. It means supporting others in this knowing by loving them, making them feel safe, and allowing them to arrive at the answers they need. Holding space means unconditional love and compassionate listening; there should be no controlling or directing the conversation.
Allowing a person to “feel held” means there is no judgement. We all feel things differently and it is judgement, and especially self-judgement which causes us to stuff feelings which creates disease in the mind and body. Much like the yoga practice with our own mind, we must become the detached witness. As the witness there exists no consideration of the “I”. This allows people to feel the way they need in order to heal themselves.
How to hold space:
- Ground yourself.
- Fill yourself with divine grace, and remember that we all come from that light – Visualize the light of Source filling you and radiating outward from you and all beings.
- Give permission for people to trust their own inner guidance system
- Do not direct or control the conversation
- Remove your own ego – Do not bring the story to you; keep it focused on them and allowing them to feel and find a solution.
- Obstacles create space for growth – It is okay, and even necessary to fail
- Be humble – Rather than jump in to give advice, guide them back to their own inner guidance system by listening carefully repeating something you heard them say that could point them back in the right direction.
- Be the witness – Do not participate in the story. Remove your own emotions and selfish thoughts. It doesn’t matter how you look right now; what matters is that this person feels they are supported and safe to experience their emotions.
- Respect differences. The person may feel or experience things differently than you do. Just allow, and love.